Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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