Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
