I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
