Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
