Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
