I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
