Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
