I think my fart just growled at me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
