My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
