What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
