Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
