You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
