I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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