I need help removing her.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
