i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
