sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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