at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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