Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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