You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
