i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
