I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
