I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
