The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
