I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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