If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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