so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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