Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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