I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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