I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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