Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
