let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
