She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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