somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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