I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
