Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want to have your abortion
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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