Girls should come with a carfax report
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
