So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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