There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
