This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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