I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
