I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
being pregnant is like rehab
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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