seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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