just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So squirting runs in the family.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
