four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
