I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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