U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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