I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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