I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
