dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
