The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
