Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
