Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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