I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
40s are totally the cure
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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