Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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