so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i believe in u and ur pee
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