i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
