I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
