how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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