can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize