Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
