I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Found the puke drawer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
