she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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