I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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