i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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