OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize