Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
