every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
