you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
