If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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