I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
