Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
