Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
