i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize