you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
