..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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