I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize