allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize