Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
