It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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