I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize