ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
