I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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