Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize