Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
