I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are my feet made of real feet?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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