if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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