i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
