Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize