The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
