um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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