the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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