im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
