Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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