but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
