I didn't shave. On purpose
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
