i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
honey bunches of taint.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
