Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
