i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
