Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize