I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
