We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
