i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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