dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
