it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
