you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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