i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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