Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
