I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize