fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
