I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
