I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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