You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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