I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
