i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
