her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
