I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
